Random Ramblings

Finding Identity and Purpose

My world was just rocked by Selena Gomez.

The humansofny instagram page shared a photo of her at the Met Gala and she was quoted,

“I feel like I’m just starting, but I think I’d be fine if it all went away. I get that from my mother. From the moment I started singing, she always reminded me that all of this was a privilege, and could be taken at any moment. So singing is not how I define myself. I try to keep my identity rooted in my friendships and my faith.”

This spoke volumes to me as I’ve struggled with my identity and sense of purpose so much over the last couple months. It’s gotten even more difficult the last couple weeks. I have built so much of my identity into my career and defining my success and myself off of how much I work, how much money I make, and how I am titled.

identity and purpose graphic.png

I need to change this dialogue. I am not my job title. I am not defined by how much money I make. I have a purpose and identity outside of that.

I took some time to read and reflect old blog posts, (well not that old since I have only been blogging for a few months)… I had so much passion and hope and truly connected with what writing was giving me. I need to explore that more. Because I am more.

So what defines me and my identity?

  1. Advocacy and helping others
    • At a recent interview, one of the questions they asked me was what motivates me. And honestly I thrive when I feel like the work I am doing has a purpose. I want to help others, I want to empower others. I want to leave my community, my world better than I found it.
    • It was easy to align this with my job with the Delaware Readiness Teams, and I was feeling like I needed a job that fulfilled this in the same way. I believe I will someday. But I believe I also do this through my writing. Not only here on my personal website, but also through the volunteer blogging I do for the Military Spouse Advocacy Network.
  2. Family
    • Family is not only defined by blood. I am incredibly lucky to be close with my brother, sister, my in-laws, my best friends, and my best friend’s immediate family as well. Oh and my husband. Him too.img_4122img_7189
  3. Values
    • I’ve spent the last few months really getting to know myself and confirming where I stand on issues, and my beliefs. I believe in being a good person. I believe in all people. And I hope I can be an advocate for those beliefs.
  4. Independence
    • I am a strong woman who don’t need no man.
    • Seriously though, even though I know I have people I can depend on, I take a lot of pride in knowing I can and do take care of problems myself. Everything from hanging pictures in my home, to cutting the grass, to fixing the vacuum, to absolutely anything. I firmly believe I can do just about anything.
  5. I don’t have a number 5.

How do you define yourself? If you lost one of those identifiers, would you feel lost? Without a clear and defined career, that’s exactly how I was feeling. But I’m glad I have had the opportunity to delve deeper and redefine myself. Thanks Selena Gomez. 

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Random Ramblings

Getting to know Myself


I have experienced so many changes in a short amount of time.

I moved over 1000 miles away from family and friends.screen-shot-2016-12-11-at-2-54-55-pm

I left a career that was incredibly fulfilling and felt like I was contributing greatly to my community. readiness_logodesign_delaware_final

I grew in my convictions and values. 

I chose to change direction with my career and pursue a dream I never thought I’d have the chance to make a reality.

I have been demeaned, insulted, and “unfriended” due to my choices and beliefs.

I am more informed than I have ever been in the past from a lot of research. I have more headaches from said research.

I am more politically involved than I ever have been before. jimhightower1

I am exhausted. 

I work for myself, for no pay. The price I am paying in the now, for what I want in the future.

I am now a writer for the Military Spouse Advocacy Network. logomsan-01-2-clear-background

I still need to work on spending too much time on social media.

I’ve lost ten pounds, but I feel my motivation dwindling.

I feel like I am more myself than I ever have been. 

I think everyone should spend more time reflecting on themselves and what they have done for their community in the last year. If the answer is nothing, you should feel guilty. We have become a very selfish society.

I spend too much time worried about saying the right things in the right way, which sometimes leads to saying nothing at all. 191

I can usually see both sides of an argument and have a hard time choosing sides, this leads to headaches as well. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t as understanding so I could be more firm in my convictions.

I don’t think I’ve truly grieved the loss of both my parents.

I am angry and defensive that my success is judged by the amount of my paycheck or lack thereof. I feel like I have achieved a lot, but will be discredited regardless.

I wish I could fix so many things I see wrong, but feel overwhelmed. I still do what I can, but worry it isn’t enough.

I wish people were more openminded. I wish people knew what it was like to live in poverty. To feel hopeless and unsupported. I wish there wasn’t a stigma around mental health and better resources. I wish people weren’t assholes.

I made new friends, grew closer with old friends, and distanced myself from others.

I traveled. I tried new things.

I laughed until I cried. I made others laugh too.

I changed. I grew. the-great-thing-in-this-world-is-not-so-much-where-you-stand-as-in-what-direction-you-are-moving


I found an old quote I first read 10 years ago. It’s truer today, than it was 10 years ago.

“I want to be free to act, and I also want my actions to mean something”


Do your actions mean something? Spend some time reflecting on your life today. Will you like what you see?

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